Ai-kendo (better than you)

The Ancient Art of Passive Aggression

Tso Tsu Me Aikendo was first developed in 1010 BC by O Sensei (great teacher) Emperor Tso Tsu Me, first Emperor of Ju Wrang, during the series "Dynasty."

  Tsa-Wing Ba-Ta, the Emperor of China at the time, had the habit of wearing a hat, which Tso said made him look like a crane. Tsa threatened to attack and, indeed, amassed his soldiers along the border, each wearing one of the crane hats. Tso, however did not mount a defense but instead had his troops line up rows of cranes along the border. Mortified, Tsa's troops were too embarrassed to rape or pillage the small empire.

  This tet-a-tet of Tso and Tsa was so-so for quite some time.

  Each time Tsa would introduce a new facet to his wardrobe, and each time Tso would compare it to an animal: the frog-feet boots, the quail-wing capes, the duck girdles, and so on...

  The soldiers began to despair that they would have no more dignity left by the time they got to the raping and pillaging.

  Eventually they did attack in their panda armor, which was extremely clumsy and, of course, fuzzy, dooming their invasion to failure and itchy discomfort. Some Wrangian villagers, however, did laugh themselves very near death. Thus, Ju Wrang maintained its independence until it was finally bought out by Sony in the late 1980s. (more) next