The Culture of Womyn: Individualism, Intuition, and Ibuprofen

In this exhaustive gender study, we examine womynkind from foot rubs to cho-co-late through the eyes of a gay man--me, Dr. Mel "Mini" Mousafa. We focus each day-long-class on what I like to call *classic female-at-large rituals*. Let me run down the day for you, okay? Okay!

Before getting in over our heads, darlings, we start off the morning with a breakfast of Diet Coke and Luna Bars. Couldn't you die for the chocolate raisin toffee? But stay with me, sweetie. Next up, some serious journalistic ethnography as we explore several retail institutions, ranging from Nieman Marcus to--forgive me, poppa--the Dollar Store, with a momentary stop in, who could resist, Fredericks. Lunch, because by now we could eat Toby McGuire and his little spider suit, consists of cranberries and yogurt. At last, after a well-earned trip to the day spa, we begin our film studies of the experimental Cinematique du Lifetime Television Network.

A gal's day wouldn't be complete without an Oprah book--God, I hope it's by Wally Lamb, I love his subordinate clauses, if you know what I'm swayin'--before a night of rousing intercourse with an amiable pool boy named Mantos. Once again proving, women, you want to understand yourselves, ask the queers.