Adam Sandler at the RNC Song!

MOST RECENT UPDATES: September 2, 2004.
Mount Sinai Hospital

Rnc Girl

Age: 16
Job: intern
Current mood:
Sooo Over it!

Fave song:
My Place

The only great thing about this broken arm and dislocated shoulder is that I don’t have to go to the stupid convention! Yaaay! Of course though, the hot guy I was going to see last night totally saw my gnarly fall and fled the scene like a fugitive. I think I’ll call him once the painkillers kick in. The sucky part about this whole broken arm deal is that my mom called my grandmother to stay with me here at the house in case I needed anything. So now she keeps bringing my purees of different vegetables… about 20 minutes ago, she brought over puree of celery. I was like “Grandma, I broke my arm, I didn’t get all my teeth punched out!” And she also sneaks me meds from Canada, says they’re contraband. What the hell? Why me? But at least I got to watch some really good shows on TV today. Can you believe how much weight Oprah lost this season? She lost a lot of weight in her thighs! She looks fab-u-lous! And so does Anna Nicole Smith! If taking a pill can make you that skinny, then sign me UP!

Okay, so Tiffany just called, and guess what? That skank just came back from a night out with MY hotties! Apparently, after the guy who I was going out with yesterday before I broke my arm saw me fall, he raced off to his brother’s house (the other hottie) and Tiffany was there like making out with him, or whatever.

So they all got drunk, and then decided to head to Atlantic City! I was totally like, what for? You’re only a year older than I am, and you can’t even gamble, you skank! Whatever. I’m not speaking to her anymore and I’m deleting her home phone (not her cel phone) from my list. I totally thought we were like, best friends, too! I said, “Hey, Tiffany, at least you could leave the brothers for me.” She said that everyone at the convention was talking about being down on the black man, so she thought she’d try for herself.

Watch out Tiffany, because payback is a bitch! You skank!

September 3, 2004
Mount Sinai Hospital

Tiffany is the sweetest person in the whole wide world! I called her last night and like totally told her off for being so inconsiderate, going to Atlantic City and all, and you know what? She completely agreed that what she did was wrong, but then she told me that all my hottie could talk about was how bad he felt that I got in trouble for sneaking out to see him! AND she convinced him to send me some flowers! How cute is he?! I hope he sends violets… they’re like my favorite flower in the entire world! I really need a pedicure. If I am going to start school next week in high fashion, then I can’t be heading to school in my brand new chocolate- brown Steve Madden chunk wedge heels with crusty feet! But my dad like completely ruined my mood this evening because he was all “Gabby, I’m so disappointed that you weren’t more involved in the convention, because blah, blah, blah…” I am SO over that thing, it’s ridiculous! I mean, come on! I’ve seen Fahrenheit 9/11, you know? That Michael Moore guy really made me think, you know? How could someone who looks like him make such a like, serious movie, you know? I wonder if he has a girlfriend… I doubt it. Ewww, gross. Anyway, school starts Monday, which will be a major drag, but as long as I have great shoes and great clothes (thank you dad, for treating me to a shopping spree in Soho, even if you don’t know it yet!) I am all set. I guess my internship at the convention was actually pretty fun… I love politics!

As for Tiffany, she said she’s thinking of moving to the Hood. Of course, that just means she’ll move from Beverly Hills to Manhattan, and I mean, Midtown. Apparently, her little trip with my man convinced her to add diversity to her ticket, and I think that’s hope for the future of America.


August 30, 2004.
Madison Square Gardens

Okay, so today was the first day of my internship, and my dad (he's an education secretary, can you guess which one?) thought I was totally hanging out with those weirdoes at the convention… like, whatever. I mean, I am only 16! I don’t want to spend my last few, like totally precious days of summer at some convention, you know? I mean, come on! Just because my dad works for the president doesn’t mean that I have to care, right? And to make matters worse, I am supposed to bring home a “souvenir” from each day of the convention! How come he can’t just trust me? I mean, sure, I spent the entire day shopping with my best friend Tiffany in Soho, and we shared this cab with these hottie brothers who are taking us out on the town tomorrow night, but why doesn’t he just trust me?! So I just took this vial I found on the ground, clear plastic with a colored tip, and said I got it from backstage at the convention. I totally made up this cool story about how I saw Sarah Bush put th drop the vial on the floor of the bathroom, where she was smoking (I added that part to give the story a little color). Then I was totally busted because the lady’s name isn’t Sarah Bush, it’s Jenna! Then, you wouldn't believe it! Secret Service swooped down on my like I was Obama Bin Baraka .Whatever. My dad thinks that just because he’s driving me to the convention tomorrow AND he’s assigning me a seat backstage, that it will magically make me stay there all day. We’ll see.

August 31, 2004.

Midtown Manhattan Hotel Room
So my dad totally embarrassed me today… This morning, he took me backstage where there were these people blowing up balloons for the convention, and he was all like, “This is my daughter, and she’s going to be spending the day with you all, so try to teach her something. My boss is the president and he loves black people, blah, blah, blah.” Then he was all like, “ Gabby, when you get home, I want you to tell me everything that happened today, and DON’T lie, because I am you father”. Of course what he didn’t tell me was that he would be at the convention the whole day! So like I was in the middle of telling this great story about how the first lady was talking and how she was really cool, and when he asked me what I thought of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s speech, I was like, “Oh my God, The Terminator was there? No way!” So of course, I was completely busted. Hey, instead of the Governator, they should call him the Govergarden Copinator.

Anyway, I guessed on the first lady and got that right, said how she talked about family value savings and all that, so that was pretty cool. The truth is my friend Tiff and I hung out for hours at this McDonald’s a few blocks away from the Convention Center, and I spent half the day trying to decide whether I should hate myself for ordering that salad they sell in the cup with Ranch dressing instead of ordering the one with the vinaigrette. I mean, it will probably totally cause a breakout, and then what am I going to do when those hotties we met in the cab come to pick us up later on this week? Oh GOD, why does life have to be so cruel? Well, at least I was wearing that cute suit I bought at Banana Republic with the embroidered flowers on the collar. You know, people keep talking about shipping jobs over seas, but those Taiwanese people sure do some nifty stiching. Getting back, of course now that I lied I am in huge trouble. My dad is planning on making me walk around with him tomorrow during the convention, so that he knows where I am. Thank GOD for text messaging!

September 1, 2004.
Mount Sinai Hospital

I cannot BELIEVE how horrible a day it has been! I spent the ENTIRE day with my dad! I went around and around with him, watching him shake hands with men who wore too much cologne, and I listened to him tell all these corny jokes, (they go, "Hey, you sure you're at the right convention?" fun-ny) and then he got all mad when I wasn’t extra excited to meet the president. I mean, it’s like SO WHAT! I just want to go home and watch all the ADULT SWIM episodes on the Cartoon Network I had Tivo’d last week.

Those shows are so great! And I cannot believe how bad I wanted chocolate today. I would have given my right arm for some M&Ms, but of course my paranoid dad wouldn’t let me walk to the stupid vending machine to get any. I mean, it’s not like I was going to leave! I don’t know where he gets these dumb ideas from. Whatever. I am SO over this convention thing. I don’t know how people do the whole politics thing. It’s so boring! Well, I made a date with one of those hotties Tiffany and I met on Monday, so I’m going to sneak out of the window, climb down the drainpipe to the roof of the garage and skip out, baby! Woo hoo!!

Okay, so the stupid freaking drainpipe broke in two on my way down, and I fell backwards onto the roof of my dad’s Mercedes parked in the driveway. Of course he heard the fall and yelled at me for hours, the grounded me for putting a major dent in his Mercedes. I think I might have to go to the hospital now though, because I REALLY don’t think one half of my arm is supposed to flail about as if independent from the other half.

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